Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Today, I mourn not having anymore babies...


Part of being a mom means mourning the fact that we must, at some point, stop having babies. Really, I love babies. I waited most of my life to have them, had four in seven years, and now my youngest baby is two. It is surreal to me that the time went by so fast. While I was pregnant, people kept telling me to enjoy it because it goes by quickly, but in the fog of being tired, I forgot to savor it. I forgot to stop and press those memories upon my heart. Now I look back and wonder what I could have done to make the time go slower, but there is nothing I could have done.

As a woman, there will always be a part of me that longs to hold a sweet, little, newborn bundle. I love the warmth. I love nursing. And changing diapers did not bother me. The worst part of the experience for me was being pregnant. I had four really big babies, all between eight and ten pounds, so carrying that around for nine months was not easy. All these other women were working out a week before they delivered, and I was lucky to be walking a week before I delivered. There are times I miss the feeling of a little one kicking and squirming, but that would be about the only thing I miss.
So, to all of you having babies or with newborns, remember, it goes by very quickly. One day, you will blink and your baby will be a nine year old that can wrap those long arms all the way around your waist and squeeze tighter than you can handle. Your three year old will walk happily away one day, off to preschool because that is where he would rather be than in your arms. I have one that is happy and content just doing his own thing, and it makes me sad that he doesn't need mom or dad very often. I have been lucky with a two year old who likes to cuddle, kiss, and love on mom all the time, and it makes my heart happy. The best part about having four boys? Little boys never stop needing their mom’s. Boys grow up to be men who still need love and support from their mom’s. This does not make the mama’s boys, it makes them well rounded, loving men who know how to treat the woman in their lives.

Although I mourn my babies, I also look forward in hope and joy for who they will become in Christ. I gladly hand my heart, my sons, over to the Father who has a much better plan than I could ever have. Because, in reality, they were His boys long before they were ever mine. 

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