Sometimes it’s hard being set apart for God’s purpose. There are times I feel so close to the church family that I feel they are my family, and yet the times I am with my real family, feel so completely separate and on the side. I am not as fun as other family members, in their opinion, and not worth spending time with, because all I do is go to church. It is a hard thing to be in ministry, when the rest of your family does not seem to be interested.
I suppose I am feeling sorry for myself, and I know that there are worse problems in the world. And yet, it has been searingly hurtful for me. I feel like I am participating in a dodge ball game and constantly getting picked last, while I am the only one providing water and Gatorade for the whole team. I am always the one serving… without ever receiving the same love and consideration in return.
Which makes me wonder how often God feels that way from me. Have I been giving Him the time He deserves? The praise He alone is worthy for? Giving adoration to God just because He created me? If I feel this hurt from humans just because they are my blood, how much pain does God feel for those He Created who choose to walk away from a relationship with Him?
These questions do nothing to lessen the hurt I feel, but it is easier when the burden is shared. It makes walking this (at times) lonely road that much easier, to know that God feels that times a billion for His children who choose to walk away. I can share that pain with Him, and He understands and knows my heart. It really comes down to wishing they could love me as I love them, but without Christ, is that possible?
Do any of you have difficulty with your familial relationships in feeling disconnected because of your faith?